Separation Anxiety is a Five Letter Word That Starts with B!

Well, this week for me has been busy.


(If only the work day started at 9am!)

Swim lessons, graduate school assignments due, a three day training at the service center which is basically just a school for teachers, and grad school today.

I knew this week was coming, and I knew my mom would be keeping Charli and the twins, but nothing compares to the feelings you have the first time you leave your babies with someone other than your spouse for more than a couple of hours.




My training started on Wednesday, and on Tuesday night the silence began.

That's right silence.

I stopped talking, zoned out, and couldn't focus on anything except the thoughts in my head. Troy dreads this silence, he constantly asks, "What's wrong?" but, the only thing I can say is that I am fine. But, really I want to break down crying!

Here are just a few thoughts going through my mind during the silence:

-I hope the twins stay on schedule.

-No one can feed them like I feed them, what if they don't burp?

-I hope it's not too much for my mom to handle? Although, my mom did in-home child care when we were little so she could be at home with us. She took care of multiple children plus a special needs infant, so I know she is able to do this.


-I think I should go buy a lottery ticket.

-Maybe I need to write down a detailed schedule, a picture schedule, a detailed-picture schedule?

-Then again, I could just do a video of everything I do during the day just in case my mom needs a visual aide?

-I need to show my mom how I sing the "Gooby Gooby Gum Drop" song to the twins

-What if Charli's breakfast isn't set up like I do it? Milk, vitamin, and cereal in her pink bowl with her favorite purple spoon. Or as Charli calls it "poon"

-What if Charli is manipulative? I know how strong-willed she can be, which she totally gets only from her daddy, mommy is too laid-back and relaxed to be strong-willed.

No as a matter of fact, I know she gets this from me, and that is why I sympathize with her probably too much. I was a momma's girl, I was attached to my momma's hip just like Charli. She is passionate, strong-willed, and stubborn just like me. But, I want her to also know boundaries, and not take advantage of her Mimi.

-What happens if Charli gets mad at me for leaving?

-What happens if I actually have fun away from the kids? Do I feel guilty? or enjoy myself?

-Why can't I stop thinking about this and just let go?




-Maybe I should buy two lottery tickets?

I know what your thinking, and I am thinking it too. I am OVER-thinking it. My mom has raised me, and she is a twin herself. If anything she knows that twins are pretty tough, they've shared close quarters for 9 months, and now they will be sharing many things until the time they go their separate ways. Charli has been with my mom since I went back to work when she was ten weeks old. My mom is strong and self-sacrificing, she has supported me and told me to always do what I love. She wants me to work and have a career, and she has inspired me to one day retire and do the same for my girls that she is doing for me now. I am extremely blessed to be in this situation so why can't I just stop worrying already???????????

I don't know. Some might say just let it go and stop being a control freak. But, I think it is what some of us just do as moms. We love our babies, we worry about them, we want them to feel loved like we love them even if we are away from them.



Sitting here I can't help but imagine them 14-16 years from now, and then my fear will be them all getting in a car without me to ride to a football game.

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. How will I ever be able to do that?

Time to go hug some babies and enjoy my snuggles because like our Pastor says, "The days go by so slow, but the years go by so fast." I need to remember to enjoy the moments each day, everyday and not worry too much about things I can't control.



Twins @ 12 weeks! Smiling at Momma!



My angel, my love, my gift from above!

Also, want to give a shout out to Charli's swim instructor! Mrs. Anna Falcon! You are amazing! Charli actually swam a breath under water after only 2 weeks of lessons! We will be seeing you for another week! Thank you for being patient and making Charli's first experience in the pool fun and exciting! I wish I could post videos! I will definitely take pictures this week of her swimming under the water to post!
Her email is ladyfalcon10@gmail.com!


www.falconsflippers.com