My After Baby 3-Week Meltdown

This is the day I found out I was pregnant with Charli....

If you are at this stage in your pregnancy stop reading now.....

I'm the type of gal that likes to know what I am in for. For example, I don't like scary movies because I want to know how they end. If I go to a training or workshop I like to know my exact daily agenda. Or, if I am about to give life to another human being I'd like to know that I am going to have a nervous-break-down-melt-down at about 3-weeks postpartum.

These are things I guess we as moms like to shield new moms from, so if you haven't had a baby....STOP reading. Unless of course your like me and want to know what you're in for, so that you can prepare yourself, and know that its completely normal.

After I had my babies I never really struggled with depression or baby blues for an extended period of time.

I just had the 3-week meltdown.

When I came home from the hospital with all my girls I actually had major emotions of happiness. I cried because I felt blessed that our babies made it home and they were healthy and happy. With the twins, of course I was more worried about their health, but I was still just so happy they were home and that my family was all together. Then I went into energizer bunny mode, I tried to get everything done and didn't have time to have the blues even if I wanted too.



But, then after about week 2 maybe 3, when I was exhausted from the 18th diaper, the 4th spilled milk from my 2-year old, and the saggy skin that drooped off of my tummy all hell broke. The twins started screaming in unison and were inconsolable, and Charli started screaming, "MOMMY, MOMMY, MOMMY!" on the baby monitor.

I.....Lost.....it.....




I went into the bathroom, sat on the floor, and cried until my eyelids swelled so much it looked like I had collagen injected into them. I couldn't breathe from all the mucous. I cried for what seemed like forever.

I cried not because I was regretting my precious babes, not because I had droopy "twin-skin", but because I felt like was failing as a mom. I felt guilty for what I thought was happening to Charli's psyche because we brought home not just one new baby, but TWO BABIES. I kept thinking, "I can't do this." How do people survive with more than one child? And, the twin factor just compounded the issue, because I kept thinking...How in the world am I going to take care of 3 babies under three, work, go back to school, and still be a person myself? I wanted to be super mom and do it all. I felt guilty for feeling this way! If God knew I felt this way, would he be mad at me?

No, then I prayed that God would help me.....and he did....

I realized....my babies are crying....get your bottom outta this bathroom and go try to make it better one baby at a time.

I was still frazzled all night about why these emotions hit me like a ton of bricks. It wasn't just a few nights or days of crying and sadness, I had an emotional 2-3 minutes of complete panic. But, I remembered that with Charli there were absolute horrible nights of 4-5 hour screaming sessions because she had colic, and nothing could be worse than that. And, if you are battling colic, get help, whether it's a parent, grandparent, friend, or a little gold can of Nutramigen. When I had Charli, I was blessed to have Mimi-Loo come every single night for a month to relieve me at 3:30am and let me get sleep while she took care of Charli. What a wonderful blessing that was.

There are things we keep from moms probably because if they knew about them they would either delay having children or not have them at all.

A few of my most favorite are:

The post-baby tummy skin! (This is why I used the Belly Bandit) mainly so I didn't have to look at that dreadful thing! Thank goodness our chests increase in size to make us feel a little better.

The I'm gonna bleed so much that not only do I get to change my baby's diaper, but I also get to change my own!

The I'm going to need to buy new flip flops because my feet are so swollen nothing will fit them. Even the cheap foamy flip flops cut into my feet.


These are my sausage toes and legs

The I'm going to look at my husband and want to vomit with disgust, anger, and hostility. Even though he has done nothing wrong whatsoever, and if anything he is being overly nice and sweet because he realizes I just had a baby or two (Which made me more mad...How can he be so nice to me when I am being a super witch!)

The old one, from when I had Charli via the natural route, and I was terrified and thought I would rather die than ever take a number 2 again. By the way, I made that little water squirter bottle and Dermaplast spray my best friends. (The water bottle is given to you after a vaginal delivery to wash the area after using the restroom, and the spray numbs the area, then of course you get to put your diaper of a pad back on.)

This is your best friend after a natural delivery

The new one I learned after having a c-section, that I will be afraid to cough so badly that I'd rather make this strange jungle noise sound instead of actually letting out the cough. As well as, still being afraid to take a Number 2. I actually recommend that you ask for a suppository in the hospital, (my nurse insisted on it, and I was absolutely afraid of the outcome, but I couldn't have more thankful afterwards.)

AND my last and final favorite:

The 3-week meltdown! Because without it my emotions would still be bottled inside me like a ticking time-bomb waiting to go off and who knows when or who I'd lose it on. Without it I would not have gotten to pick myself off the bathroom floor, soothe all of my babies back to sleep, and realize...."Hey, I am super woman if I can do all this, and as long I love these girls with all my heart and soul--everything will be okay."

I know there will be hard days, weeks, and milestones ahead. We are just taking it one day at a time.

The twinnies and me




Here is my little angel face on me sleeping


The newly exhausted parents...with Charli



This was Charli and my favorite place to sleep on the couch...